When someone asks you to deliver a eulogy, it can feel like the weight of the world has landed on your shoulders. You are dealing with your own grief while trying to find the words that do justice to someone's entire life. But here is the truth: you do not need to be a professional speaker. You just need to be genuine.
These 7 tips will help you write and deliver a eulogy you can be proud of.
When families find the courage to speak themselves, it moves a room far more than any polished reading ever could. You do not need to prove anything or live up to anyone. Focus on the person you are farewelling. The rest will carry itself.
Helen Ashford
Tip 1: Let Go of the Pressure to Be Perfect
Before you write a single word, give yourself permission to be human. A eulogy does not need to be a masterpiece. It needs to be real. The people sitting in front of you are not expecting a TED talk. They are expecting warmth, honesty, and love.
If your voice breaks or you need to pause, that is completely okay. It shows the depth of your connection to the person you are honouring. No one will judge you for showing emotion.
Tip 2: Gather Your Thoughts Before Picking Up the Pen
Do not pressure yourself to produce a finished eulogy straight away. Start by brainstorming. What are the first things that come to mind when you think of this person? What made them laugh? What did they value? What stories does everyone in the family know by heart?
A practical approach: Jot down every thought, memory, and quality that surfaces. Do not worry about order or polish. Reach out to other family members and mates as well. They will often remind you of brilliant moments you had overlooked.
Tip 3: Use a Clear Structure
Even the most heartfelt eulogy needs a framework. Without one, your speech can drift and lose its emotional impact. A simple structure keeps you on track and helps the audience follow along.
A proven approach:
- Introduction: Briefly say who you are and your relationship to the person
- Their life: Highlight the qualities, passions, and values that defined them
- Personal stories: Share 1 to 3 anecdotes that capture who they really were
- Their legacy: Reflect on the mark they left on your life and others'
- Farewell: Close with a personal goodbye, a favourite saying, or a simple thank you
Tip 4: Share Who They Were, Not Just What They Did
A timeline of achievements and milestones is a resume, not a eulogy. What makes a eulogy truly memorable are the small, human details that capture someone's essence.
For instance: Rather than saying "He was a dedicated family man," describe how he spent every Sunday morning making pancakes while badly singing along to Cold Chisel. Rather than "She was always generous," tell the story about the time she drove two hours to deliver soup to a sick neighbour.
Laughter at a funeral is not disrespectful. It is a celebration of the joy that person brought into the world. Australians, in particular, tend to appreciate a eulogy that includes a few genuine laughs alongside the tears.
Tip 5: Use a Speech Generator to Break Through the Blank Page
When you are grieving, sitting in front of an empty document can feel paralysing. The words simply will not come, no matter how much you want them to.
A speech generator takes that first, hardest step for you. You answer a set of questions about the person, how you knew them, and the memories you shared. In minutes, you receive a thoughtful, complete eulogy that you can then adjust, add to, and make your own.
It is not about replacing your voice. It is about giving you a running start during the hardest week of your life.
Tip 6: Less Is More
Aim for 3 to 7 minutes. That is roughly 500 to 1,000 words and is the sweet spot for holding an audience's attention during an emotionally charged service.
How to check: Read it aloud at a natural pace and time yourself. If it runs past 7 minutes, look for places to tighten. Often, cutting a paragraph actually makes the speech stronger.
The most powerful eulogies are rarely the longest. A handful of sincere, well-chosen words will stay with people far longer than a sprawling tribute.
Tip 7: Handle the Delivery with Confidence
Standing up in front of grieving friends and family is daunting. These practical tips will help you get through it:
- Practise out loud: Run through the eulogy at least two or three times. You will learn where the emotional flashpoints are and can brace yourself
- Print it big: Use 14-point font or larger. If your eyes fill with tears, you will still be able to see the words
- Slow down: Speak more slowly than feels natural. Pauses are not uncomfortable. They give everyone room to absorb what you are saying
- Keep water nearby: A sip of water is a natural pause that helps with nerves and a dry throat
- Have a backup plan: Ask a trusted person to be ready to step in. Just knowing they are there takes the pressure off enormously
- Tears are fine: If they come, let them. Pause, take a breath, and carry on when you are ready. Everyone understands
In Summary
Delivering a eulogy is one of the greatest honours you can offer someone who has passed. You do not need eloquence. You need sincerity. Collect your memories, give them structure, keep things focused, and rehearse. If you are struggling to start, let a speech generator do the heavy lifting so you can concentrate on the personal touches.
Everyone there will be thankful you had the courage to stand up and speak.